EXPERIENCES; GROWING UP AS A GIRL CHILD

As a girl child, growing up was easy and so fun. We lived in a delusion of replicating just about what our mum exhibited. It was an order that was not questioned to follow in mama's footsteps. We keenly watched and observed mum carefully, so that we don't leave any character trait behind. We were so carried away not to stop to diagnose any trait but lead blindly.

My thoughts were; life was all about doing chores, keeping up with the attitude to impress people around, being mute about my personal opinions and interests even when life was at stake. I also learnt not to get concerned about how I'm being treated as it was my obligation to submit, despite the circumstances.

It still was fun because I had only what I was privileged to have. There was no need to claim a right because apparently none existed. The only right I had was to live and not to explore, nor do things I wanted to do. It was the same experience for all my female siblings. The guys were given the freedom to their own will irrespective of the ages. But the ladies were bound to pleasing others but themselves, it couldn’t be more fascinating. I grew in beauty, creativity and awareness of my closet only.

It was time to get to school and learn just like others. Now with a stern gaze, reality checked me severally, as I had no idea how to question wrong orders nor was I informed to what I truly deserved. 

The only knowledge I had was to follow orders. So I followed every single order until I had to save my head. I had new and unpleasant experiences. One of which I was asked by a male teacher to visit him in his office. All I did was follow orders, he fondled me for a while, didn't know how to say "I wasn’t comfortable" because mama never taught me how to refute but always follow orders, so I stayed still. The word fondle didn't come immediately but as I grew, I searched and searched for the meaning of what uncle did to me, then I came across that word that defines it perfectly.

I couldn't tell mum anything, thought she might scold me for saying I almost disobeyed my uncle against her warnings, so I kept mute. I indirectly asked mum a question, "mum if an uncle calls you to his office to give you a different lesson, should you disobey or just obey", well that was the best way I could describe it at that time because it was a lesson different from what uncle taught in class. Mama’s response was that she couldn’t afford an extra lesson for me so you better appreciate and pay close attention to that your uncle.  Mama never bordered to ask about the nature of the special lesson. So I thought to myself, I have grown to obey mum and I couldn't disappoint her now.

It became the order of the day for my uncle and i. so I finished my elementary education and never told mum anything about my uncle and i. it was time to further my education, I was growing in knowledge but still couldn't express my feelings on very crucial matters. I became easily influenced both positively and negatively as I couldn't decide what I really wanted.

At this point in my life, it was just to be likened as a leaf easily tossed by the wind. Life itself was a struggle; I became indecisive, unstable and purposeless. I satisfied others without a thought of what I wanted. Mama was pleased about my records because I was very obedient even to my detriment. I had no one to talk to. I had no friends but many masters, even my friends became my dictators and masters.

So one day for the very first time, I heard a voice that changed my life in a moment. I was a servant of many masters; I was frustrated, still furthering my education. Life was meaningless, I didn't want to continue as I thought I would never know what I truly wanted, if I do not take the pain to discover myself. In the myriad of thoughts in my head, I heard a distinctive voice ask "What are you living for?". And in that moment I thought to myself; that is one question I have not been able to answer. So I wondered if I should ask mama the question. By the way, dad was seldom home as he was either transferred from one place to the other for work. Mum was very understanding and cooperative as well. We only informed dad when we got into new classes or concluded each educational phases.

Now it was time to get into the higher institution and I still couldn't answer the question. So I got into college devoid of the answer to the question, but foraging clues, while trying not to disappoint mum. My first day in college, a fellow student ordered me to switch beds with her. Now being gullible became a lifestyle unknown to me. So I quickly complied. She was amazed at how silly I was not to disagree with her and perhaps fight for my right. I continued other activities and settled down, already forgotten about the incident as I thought it was only normal to oblige. 

The same lady came to me after I had unpacked, and introduced herself to me. She concluded by inviting me to her fellowship on campus, that she had visited the school earlier before she gained admission. Mama was very far and I thought to myself; "I could search for the voice that spoke to me" in mama's absent, so I accepted the invitation.

Now for the very first time, I got a mind-blowing message on "discovering your purpose", not as a man or a woman but as a person. I learnt that God is the Author and the Finisher of our faith and the hope of our utmost desire to live a purposeful life is the faith. I learnt we can only find our significance, origin, meaning, identity and purpose in God. Wow! Eureka! My friend said no word to me. As often as I visited the campus fellowship, it expanded my knowledge of self-discovery. Then I was hopeful that I was close to my answer.

I began to gradually do what I wanted; it surely was a new but interesting experience. I further learnt I also do have a will as my brothers, to choose what I wanted and dispute what I wasn't comfortable with. I was excited and anxiously anticipated a break. I was eager to inform mama I could do things on my own volition and I could actually refuse orders especially one detrimental to my life and future. By the way, we never went to any religious gathering. However, there were occasional invites for birthdays and child dedication, and mama never attended as she was always busy with chores and taking care of others.

By this time I had come home for a brief holiday. Mama noticed something different about me, I suddenly became outspoken and eagerly anticipated she would ask what had happened in school. By this time, I had gotten a pocket bible, just to get familiar with some words. I thought it was a history book that had people's experiences and how they handled it, with that voice behind everyone that scaled through. I made sure it was always with me, to guide me and it helped me defend myself as I embark on my life journey. I studied just what to say if mama asked what had resulted in my sudden change. It was too short a while to change under mama's watch, but it took so much time realizing who I was and who I wanted to be in future and the grand question; what I was living for.

 

Mama observed closely an appropriate time to have a conversation with me. I could tell from her actions but I was equally amazed because I never had such preference, nobody considered me for any discussion. I always felt less a human without any feelings or emotions worth regarded. 

Suddenly mama broke the silence with a question, "you were very normal throughout your elementary education up to the period you went to high school" mama meant I was still timid, didn't have a sense of confidence, obeyed wrongly and was without a sound mind. Well, I thought to myself Just as she was speaking, I'd rather be abnormal, to discover myself than be a puppet. She continued, "What happened just a few hours into college?"  She asked sarcastically. I responded with a smile in confidence, "Mama I am liberated", she frowned about to cut in but I continued. "Mum, I realize every parent is a caretaker and shouldn't be responsible for dictating the destiny of a child. You thought my gender made you more accountable for who I would be in future and my actions." 

"I was made to believe that I was an object without an expression, a mouth without a voice, a being without a purpose until I had an encounter just about the time my Creator deemed it appropriate to be enlightened and liberated." I continued, "mama I had an encounter with God”," you never told me such a being existed, you never told me He is the very reason for our existence." With tears rolling down her cheeks, I continued without resisting the tears from my eyes accompanied by a runny nose." Mama in giving us life, we have been received and espoused into His Royal and Holy bloodline through His Son Jesus Christ. I can't be mute any more, I also know He has given us sound mind not to be timid but to be bold in love and reverence only Him. Mama, I love this experience, it is whole, it is wonderful, and you can express yourself like I am. "

By this time, I had told my friend in school that I would bring mama to school to have a similar experience. She said fellowships on campus were for students but mama should join any local church to get the experience. So mama quickly obliged. Now we could relate very well with the entire household and I also spoke to my siblings about realizing themselves in Christ, who is the Author and Finisher of our faith. I had gotten a word for what happened while growing up and I told mama how I was molested in school by my uncle and also ill-treated on several occasions and I couldn't help it. She wished her ignorance never let me go through what I went through.

Hitherto, I always desire to read more, learn more and develop myself more positively. I couldn’t do more, but to express myself in words, actions and also to let every girl child growing into womanhood know that they can be a voice irrespective of prevailing circumstances, backgrounds and situations they may be faced with. 

My objective for this piece is focused on helping the girl child discover her purpose early in life. More so, to assist her to develop the right Values, Virtues and the capacity to grow free of societal odds that bedevil the growing girl child. Hey girl! Be encouraged, be a heart-free listener when the divine voice speaks even as you grow into your dreams in life. 

I am growing to become that woman of Virtue, Vigor and Value. You should be encouraged with this piece to soar higher. 

#RightMIND #GROWINGtheGIRLchild #DiscoverPURPOSE